I have to admit, I can't really take credit for building the fun into our meal time team.  I give Drew and Dean credit for that.  All my kids love music (and I do take credit for that as well as a big thank you to their music director, Mr. Miller) and because our den computer is right next to the kitchen, if Dean or Drew were on clean up duty after supper, they would start iTunes and crank up the music to help them "endure" the pain and suffering we were inflicting on them.  Typically at least two, if not all three boys had some role to play after dinner to help clean up.  We sort of have this unwritten rule that if you prepare dinner, you shouldn't have to do much of the cleaning.  The one who violates the rule the most is my husband Mark, who often willingly does both.  But he is the saint in our home and the rest of us haven't yet reached this level of unselfishness.  :)

So the music is blaring and Micah, at five,  was learning to sing and dance to "I love Rock N Roll" instead of Twinkle Little Star  but the camaraderie and joy makes it worth it.  (We practiced Twinkle Little Star between meals.)  And Grant, at 12, was seeing his older brothers make the best of a less than desirable (in an adolescent boy's mind) situation.

I'm thankful to Mr. Miller for helping our sons have an appreciation of all kinds of music.  We do have a rule that no heavy metal or inappropriate lyrics can be blaring through the house.  But thanks to Mr. Miller's encouragement, enjoying all kinds of music has never been a problem.   They might choose a Disney movie sound track, Les Miserable sound track, Weird Al, a new artist I'd never heard of, a recording from the Sing-Off or some of their favorite Christian or pop songs.  I have discovered some wonderful artists through them that I would probably otherwise never have known of without our "after dinner music."

What would make this time fun in your home?  It might be music.  Maybe it's the time when you listen to an audio book together and you can't listen any other time except when you are working together in the kitchen. (I know people who motivate themselves to exercise this way because they can't wait to see how it ends.)  Or DVR a favorite show and watch while you are washing and drying and only then.  We also love to blare Joseph Prince and imitate him when he says his words funny or repeat in our best Asian accent "Hallelujah". (Dean has it down perfectly).  Maybe its the time to rehash the last big game or make up knock knock jokes. It could be the perfect time for some games like I Spy, Name 10 Things That Are... or Twenty Questions. How about dreaming together:  If you could go anywhere on vacation, where would you go?  If you had a million dollars, what would you do?

We are bombarded with distractions that take family members to their separate corners, often with their eyes on an electronic device.  The more time we can spend with each other, instead of in proximity to each other, the healthier our family will be.  The times we spend working together are just as valuable as the times we spend playing together, possibly more.  When we make work fun, we receive an extra blessing!  We all hear report after report indicating the benefit to families to eat dinner together.  How much more so when the family meal become a family event where every member plays a vital role.  

Rather than trying to figure out how to carve out more family time, take some time to think about how to carve out more family involvement into what is already being done.  The benefits are incredible and you will be so glad you did!  Plus when you all work together, you create more time and energy and money (less eating out) for the fun stuff!

Enjoy this YouTube video that went viral!  This boy totally gets that helping in the kitchen can be fun!  (Sneaky mom with the video but now that he's famous, maybe he's okay with it!)  In our family, singing is more prevalent than dancing.  Guess it's time to set up the hidden camera!

We are all born selfish creatures.  Every need we have must be met by someone else from the second we are born.  From that point forward, it is our job as parents to teach our children how to become independent, generous, unselfish people.  Obviously this looks different at different ages but the goal is to teach our kids that they are, as we say in our house, blessed to be a blessing.  

But let's be realistic.  Unselfishness and thinking of others does not come naturally to 99% of children.  And while to some degree they can learn by example, we have to be careful that being unselfish, generous parents doesn't result in spoiled children.  Because truthfully, the more we give, the more it seems they sometimes seem to feel entitled to have.

It is perfectly normal for children to take their parents for granted and have no concept of what it takes to keep a household running, raise children, earn income, educate, teach, etc. etc.  But we do them no favors if we leave them ignorant.  And the best way to help them appreciate their many blessings is to make them a part of them.  And teach them it truly is more blessed to give than receive.  A good way to begin that is by having your child help with what we call "chores."

I have tried numerous approaches to "chores" in our house as my children have grown up.  Some, like daily charting, were wildly unsuccessful in my home but work great for others.  What seemed to work better for us was just noticing the need at the moment and assigning it to a child.   

During the school year chores typically involve the family meal and weekend housekeeping. The jobs of setting the table and getting drinks for everyone, clearing the table, putting the leftovers away, loading and unloading the dishwasher were rotated around.  On the weekends, everyone has to change their sheets and help clean a bathroom.  Every other week, they have to clean their room.  They also help mow the lawn, shovel snow, rake leaves, weed the garden, harvest the garden, and babysit Micah.  We started with all of these things before we began asking them to help with dinner.  But that is mostly because I didn't think of the meal thing earlier! :)

If your children have never helped around the house, it's time to ramp up your expectation.  But don't expect smiles and hallelujah's from them.  Expect resistance.  This is normal.  But persevere.  Here are some of my favorite phrases to resistance:
Q: Why do I have to?                        
A:  Because you were created to be a blessing to others and you need to practice.

Q: Why do I have to do everything?  
A: I can arrange for you to do everything so you can see how little I actually ask of you.  To start with you can (come up with at least three things you were going to do that day that now they can either do with you or for you.)
OR - my favorite if you have multiple children who can help
A:  Everyone else is off the hook tonight.  ______ wants to see what it feels like to do everything.  (And have the one who complains do the others' chores for them.)

Q: Why doesn't he have to do something?
A:  If he asked me that, instead of you, would you have wanted me to call you and have you do it instead? Everyone helps around here.  He will have a role to play too.  We are all part of the team.  Sometimes its your turn to play and sometimes you are on the bench.  But we are all part of the team.

Start making your children part of the family team.  It is vital to their success as young adults and it will make a big difference in your family as well.  Begin including them in some part of the family meal every day, sometimes setting the table, or washing dishes, getting the drinks, putting food away after the meal.  By having them contribute you are building confidence and value into their very core which is so important when they face challenges and pressures.  It truly is more blessed to give than receive.  They need to experience what that feels like.  And don't forget to thank them for their contribution!

Micah wanted to try his hand at homemade Mac 'N Cheese tonight.  However, right when it was about time to start dinner the NCAA Selection show came on.  Luckily we have a TV in our kitchen.  It doesn't get used much but comes in real handy when doing haircuts and when waiting to see how KU, KSU and WSU end up in the seatings!

I will say I would not recommend allowing your child to watch TV while cooking normally because I have one word to describe Micah - DISTRACTED!  I muted the TV while he read through all the instructions but Mac 'N Cheese requires some multitasking and thinking ahead and let's just say I was doing most of the thinking.  But we got through it and he did everything but drain the pasta and pour the hot Mac 'N Cheese into the casserole dish.  And it was delicious!

We added two secret ingredients:  1/4 cup of crumbled bacon and I had some shredded carrot in the freezer which I added to the water while the pasta was cooking.  Yummy!

I am excited that both our boys and girls basketball teams made it to State and Grant gets to experience this with his team!   With the nice weather forecasted, Mark will also be in full swing for tennis practice as well.  So it promises to be a busy week.  Mark has done most of the cooking since school started but it is time for us all to pick up the load and do our share!  Even Micah, 8, is excited to get involved.  

Our plan for the week:
Monday: Micah will make Slow Cooker Southwestern Chicken - he and I will work on putting it together tonight and all we have to do is plug it in in the morning.  Micah and Grant will make salsa when Grant gets home from basketball practice.  
Tuesday:  Drew has the day off so he will do the cooking.  Probably homemade pizza.
Wednesday:  The boys basketball team plays at 6:30pm in another town so we will probably grab Subway sandwhiches on the way.
Thursday:  I will be in charge and plan to make Split Pea Soup with Ham.  I may put it in the crock pot in the morning.  
Friday:  I'm thinking leftovers or we may need to grab something, depending on what games we might have and their times.

Mark is at the grocery store getting what is needed for our meals so we should be all set.  Micah is pretty exicited about getting in on the action.  He will have to chop an onion for this dish so that should be interesting.  I have a mini food processor that I usually use for this purpose so he will get to learn to use this tool.  

I would encourage you to check out the sample of the cookbook at 
http://www.heymomillstartdinner.com/uploads/2/6/2/1/26214341/hey_mom_ill_start_sample_inside.pdf to begin your own journey of involving your children in the evening meal.  Of course, the full book is available on Amazon or at www.heymomillstartdinner.com.  Please read the introduction which talks about all the benefits of involving your children in this vital part of family life.  It also touches on how to overcome some of the obstacles we face from our children and ourselves as we make this journey.  I will be writing more about overcoming these obstacles in this blog as well.  I encourage you to join me on this journey.  On it you will find more confident, considerate and helpful children and a family which functions as a harmonious team.  Start the journey!  It's worth it and your children will thank you!  Eventually.  :)