• Home
  • Instructional Videos
  • Store
  • Reviews
  • Freebies
  Hey Mom I'll Start Dinner

Overcoming obstacles: No more Whining

4/27/2014

0 Comments

 
Our family has been cooking together now for about three years and whining about it is a thing of the past.  But that was certainly not the case when we first started.  Do you ever feel like whining wears you down and keeps you from doing the parenting you know needs to be done in the way you need to do it?  I know I have.

Why do kids (and us) whine?  I think it helps to realize that whining is the outward manifestation of internal selfishness and fear.  It is a protective measure we use to try to regain control and get back the status quo or what we want.  It is never healthy because it sets us up as the victim and not the victor.  It focuses on the negative and not the positive.  So teaching our children (and ourselves) not to whine is definitely something parents need to be actively pursuing.

What happens if we don't teach them?  Who do you work with that likes to whine and complain and not do their fair share?  Is this the person you want your child to become?  Of course not.  Overcoming whining is all about learning self-control and positive self-talk.  And like most positive character attributes, it doesn't necessarily come naturally, but through life opportunities and teachable moments.  If, when those teachable moments come, whining works, we are teaching poor character.  If it does not, we are teaching strong character and self-control.  It really is as simple as that.  But "the how" can feel hard.

In our home, whining was typically the result of being asked to do something around the house when my children had something else they would rather be doing.  Whether that might be cleaning their room, mowing the lawn, taking out the trash, setting the table or emptying the dishwasher.  "Why do I have to?" or "But I was going to...." were oft-heard phrases as our kids grew up.  They were also great score keepers.  "But I did it last time!"  Or it would come when they were asked to do something they had never done before.  "But I don't know how!"  (Hear: I might fail and be humiliated.)

I could go into great detail and stories of what we tried and how it all played out, but let me just cut to the chase and tell you what worked for us:

1.  It's all about identity.  If we give into whining, we are basically saying to our children, "The world revolves around you and your needs."  That is simply not true.  We are all here to be a blessing and make the world a better place.  So my response when my children would whine was, "You are here on this earth to be a blessing and it is in my mom job description to teach you how and provide opportunities for you to practice."  Believe it or not, this really works!  Children need to know that you believe in them, have high expectations for them and expect them to make a positive difference to everyone around them!  It's not about them being "bad" as much as it is them not realizing they are "good."

2.  Consistency.  If one gets away with it and another doesn't, that is setting up for resentment between your children.  Everyone needs to have age-appropriate consequences for whining. 

3.  Consequences.  Since whining was usually about work I was asking them to do, my response to whining was more work.  "What I was asking you to do was actually not very much but you are acting like it would take you hours and hours to do.  So now we will arrange for you to have hours and hours of work to do, so the next time I ask you to ______ you will understand just how little of a thing it is."  And I would create lots of ways for them to help me that day.  I have found this to be much more effective than taking something away.  If they continue to whine, the list gets longer.  It's very important not to go into whining mode yourself as you work side-by-side but rather either keep quiet or use it as an opportunity to talk about other things or turn on some music.

4.  Safety.  I can't tell you how many times, while I was explaining something to them they will need to know to complete a job I am asking them to do, my sons would whine, "How am I supposed to know that?"  As though my instructions were indicating they were not smart enough.  So I learned to preface the instruction with, "I know this is your first time to do this, so let me tell you some things that would be helpful for you to know that most kids your age, don't know.  I don't want you to learn the hard way.  I want to set you up for success. "  Children are always glad to know things and be good at things most kids their age don't.   But even with the proactive teaching there is often an "I can't do this!" that follows if it doesn't come easily or naturally the first time.  My standard reply to that is.  "That's what you used to say about _____ (i.e riding your bike) and now look at you!  You'll get this too!"

That is why I wrote the cookbook like I did.  It is written to set them up for success, to tell them things most kids (and a lot of adults) don't know and remind you as a parent, what to proactively teach them so they have every chance to succeed and not become frustrated.

5.  Affirmation.  When they do what you've asked them to do, with our without whining, be sure to thank them and let them know how much it helped you and the family and what an important part of the team they are.  How did their contribution make a difference?  Let them know!  Prove to them with your words that it is more blessed to give than receive.  Compliment them around others.  "Doesn't the lawn look nice?  Drew mowed it this morning."  "You should see Dean's room.  It looks so good."  "The kitchen looks great, don't you think? Grant really did a great job getting everything cleaned up after dinner." 

I love having the kids cook because it becomes a life lab assignment where character can be taught.  After the newness wears off, they are going to whine when it is their turn to cook.  Don't be surprised.  Don't let it deter you.  It is a great opportunity to teach character.  I promise if you stick with it, the whining will end and they will become better people because of it.  My children still do not ask me when they get to cook next.  But they do not complain when they have to.  They are proud they can make a difference.  They enjoy our gratitude of their contribution.  And they understand the joy that comes from serving others. 

Last night we returned from an event and Grant was washing the dishes - unprompted, unasked, willingly, with the music turned up and singing while he worked.  I was so proud of him and told him so.  His response, "No problem.  I was bored anyway."  Understated blessing to be sure.  Proactive parenting is worth the journey. 






0 Comments

Overcoming Obstacles:  Incorporate Fun into the Family Meal

4/27/2014

0 Comments

 

Name Ten Things...

Here's a fun game you can play while you are cooking and cleaning up the kitchen together.  The goal is to try to think of ten things in the category of your choice.  Can be played in teams or as a group.  Make up your own rules for how to keep score but playing as one group keeps the cooperative spirit alive.  See how fast you can come up with ten.
You can make up your own categories but here are some to get you started:
Name Ten...
  1. Sugary cereals
  2. Foods that America has to import
  3. States on the ocean
  4. Disney movies
  5. States touching Canada or Mexico
  6. Flavors of soda
  7. Restaurants that specialize in pizza
  8. Restaurants that specialize in burgers
  9. Musicians that have stood the test of time
  10. Places you would like to vacation but never have
  11. Top family memories
  12. Famous Olympians
  13. Important turning points in history
  14. Things parents say when they don't have a good reason or time to explain their good reason for not letting you do something.
  15. Ways to help a neighbor or friend
  16. States that are all touching
  17. Numbers that divide evenly by 3
  18. Favorite movies
  19. Ways to make a new friend
  20. Ways to help your teacher
That should give you a good start!  What categories can you make up?
0 Comments

Busy Week Meal Planning

4/21/2014

0 Comments

 
We have a busy couple weeks coming up.  One of the great things about investing in teaching your children to cook and contribute to the family meal is that when a busy weeks comes, the team is ready!  We started on this journey of team cooking a bit over three years ago when our sons were 5 (Micah), 12 (Grant) , 15 (Dean)  and 18 (Drew).   It didn't happen overnight but the three oldest are all now confident cooks and the youngest is gaining fast!

Last week we got caught unprepared and it was chaotic.  We had a death in the family, my coworker left and tennis season was in full swing.  (My husband coaches and son plays.)  We ended up eating out way too much because we had no plan and no time to shop and no ingredients on hand.  So last weekend, I went through the cookbook and a few other recipes, picked the menu, assigned the family member to the day, wrote the shopping list and my wonderful husband headed to the grocery store.  The shopping list included enough to make two of several things, one for that night and one for the freezer. 

The thought of implementing this plan by myself would completely overwhelm me and would make for some late dinners. But by sharing it among five of us, it feels totally doable.  Assignments are based on who is home when and how early they are expected to arrive. Here's what it looks like:

Monday - Grant - Lasagna (x2).  Grant didn't have school today so he was on.  His friend Lucas was over so now Lucas knows how to make Lasagna too!  It was delicious!

Tuesday - Eat at Wendy's - Grant has a tennis tournament 30 miles away so we will run through Wendy's drive-through tomorrow night.  I am still sad that Wendy's discontinued their Baja salad though!

Wednesday - Drew (He only works til 2:30pm on Wednesdays) - He'll make Uglies but he's also going to mix up two meat loaves, one for Thursday and one for the freezer.

Thursday - Mom - I'll just be scrubbing some potatoes to add to the meatloaf and putting both in an hour before we eat.

Friday - Drew (He's off at 2:30p again.) - Hamburger Pie (x2 - one for the freezer)

Saturday - Grant has tennis all day and we all will be there so I'm thinking Chipotle might be on the menu!

Sunday - Mom - Mexican Corn Bread - It's a new recipe I'll be trying. 

Monday - Drew again (his day off) - Chinese Chicken Casserole (x2). 

Tuesday - Eat at Subway - Grant has another tennis tournament.

Wednesday - - Drew, Micah and Mom - Homemade Pizza  - Drew and Micah will brown the hamburger but Micah and I will put it together when I get home.

Thursday - Mom - Ham and Scalloped Potatoes - this is a crockpot dish I will likely put together Wednesday night and have ready to start in the morning.

Friday - Mark and Micah - Crockpot Brocolli Soup - They may put this together Thursday night.

Saturday - Mark - Grilled chicken wings

Sunday - Mom and Grant - Polynesian Dinner - Grant has gotten off the hook because he has practice right after school but he can get in on the action on the weekends. 

So that's our plan.  The groceries are purchased.  The recipes ready.  If all goes well, there will be several things in the freezer to help us get through until I get someone hired and tennis season is over.  And plenty of leftovers for lunches.   I'm so glad I took the time to lay the foundation necessary for this to happen.  I encourage you to begin today as well!




0 Comments

Cookbook Giveway

4/13/2014

0 Comments

 
I'm super excited this week to have some great Homeschooling moms reviewing the cookbook.  They have been trying it with their kids and I can't wait to hear how it worked for them.  

In addition to the reviews, we are co-sponsoring a Grand Giveaway including three prizes.
Picture

Click here to enter!

Check out the great blogs which sponsored this contest and their reviews:

Beth Hollman                 Acorn Hill Academy          Cookbook review       

Dawn Beck Egger           Picking Up Pebbles            Cookbook Review

Missy Priebe                    Dot to Dot Connections     Cookbook Review  

Nicole McGhee               Home with my Sons          Cookbook Review

Thalea Maher                 Something 2 Offer              Cookbook Review
          
Additional Blogger/Reviewers:

Andrea Hardman           No Doubt Learning             Cookbook Review

Jennifer Harrison          Simblissity Cottage               Cookbook Review

Meg Shade Falciani       Adventures with Jude          Cookbook Review






0 Comments

    Cherilyn Dahlsten

    I am a working mom of four sons, married to Mark and passionate about raising young men who know how to bless others and enjoy doing so.

    Archives

    November 2014
    June 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014

    Enter your email address:

    Delivered by FeedBurner

    RSS Feed

    Categories

    All
    Busy Week Meal Plan
    Chores
    Combat Entitlement
    Contest
    Cookbook Giveaway
    #kidsstartdinner
    Make Cleaning Fun
    Make Cooking Fun
    Old Fashioned
    Overcoming Obtacles
    Overcoming Whining
    Reviews

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
Photo used under Creative Commons from JeepersMedia